As Drew and I were enjoying sushi yesterday, the young man at the table next to us proposed to his girlfriend. After, Drew said he was going to walk over to give the couple advice, beginning with- "Don't leave any hangers out."
Drew's sarcasm aside, I began to think about what advice I would give newlyweds as they start their married lives together. Now, I am not expert and I honestly don't know if anyone is. Also, I know that I have only been married for three and a half years and there are no children in our lives (at which point I have no doubt I'll have different advice to give), but I figured there are a few things I have learned along the way that I would offer to new couples. So, here it is:
Have your own lives. Obviously you want to have lives together too, but what I mean by this is to have your own friends and hobbies to go to when you want to be alone. Drew made a funny (yet accurate) comment at the end of February as I headed to Florida with a close friend and he headed to California to see his childhood friend. He said, "I have never traveled alone as much as I have since I've been married." I commented back and said, "That's because we live together, we don't need to travel together." The fact is, sometimes you need that girl (or boy) time. Plus, it keeps conversation in the marriage fresh when you have different things to talk about and discuss.
Keep it light. I am the queen of breakdowns-- sometimes I'll even warn Drew if I'm close to having one, just so that he is prepared. Normally, he replies with a witty comment and most of the time (but certainly not all) the humor is enough to keep me out of a meltdown. Now, there are times when I get angry and lash out at Drew (which I always apologize for), but instead of bringing it up over and over again, he turns it into sassy joke and we end up laughing about it. We like to laugh with each other and I think that is one of the things that I enjoy most about our marriage.
Each day brings a new challenge for us (and I'm sure all married couples), but each time we get through it, it brings us closer together. For the newly engaged couple at the sushi restaurant, I hope they are very happy. Also, as I told Drew yesterday, I hope the woman isn't as mortified as I would've been that my boyfriend proposed to me in a crowded sushi bar in the middle of the afternoon, but, hey, maybe they both love sushi.
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